...So the stay-at-home order has schools closed and businesses everywhere shutting down. You, my friend, are stuck at home with your entire family...
...who are also stuck at home.
In one house.
Sure, you love your family. They're great people (mostly) and fun to spend time with (every now and then). But thank god "dispensaries" are still open for business, because otherwise, someone's gonna flip their lid.
But you've also got to remain cognizant of the fam's lid flipping if they catch you stoning under the same roof as Gramma and Little Timmy.
Friends, we know you're stoning, and probably so does your fam. But no need to let it get up anyone's nose. Here's how to hide the stank while your stay-at-home stoning.
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Bring Back the Classics
We all remember that wily teenage and/or college years of stoning on the sly. Keeping your seed on the down-low from authorities of all stripes was both an art form and a way of life. A way of life so prominent that many of our favorite artists wrote whole albums about both smoking -- and hiding -- the sticky icky. So let's take it back to the classics in old-school stoner techniques to hide the stank. You know, with stuff lying around the house.
Towel Under the Door
Stoning in your room, no way you want your family to smell the sweet, spicy aroma and come knocking. On the one hand, it could be your mom ready to raise hell. Even worse, it could be your brother hoping to bogart the joint. The best way to keep your buzz un-blown is to keep the stank from escaping. So do that thing we've all done: Throw a towel (or random floor-laundry) under the door. This prevents your smoke from escaping and creating a stink.
Dryer Sheet and Paper Roll
Every exhalation of that beautiful smoke could give you away, but it doesn't have to. One old-school trick to hide the smell of weed as you exhale it is to breathe out through a dryer sheet. Never done this before? Get ready for craft time. Find yourself an empty cardboard roll, what's left behind from paper towels or tp. Then grab a hair tie (or rubber band) and a dryer sheet. You see where we're going.
Rubber-band the dryer sheet around one end of the cardboard tube. Then exhale through the tube and be amazed at the change in smell. More laundry smell than dank.
Secret Backyard Escape
A favorite, if you can manage it, is to stake yourself out a little private vacation-spot. Some yards have a little side-yard, for example, that can be out-of-sight for the rest of the family, but still pleasantly outdoors for a smoke. Then there are the two opposite landscaping types that work for you: yards allowed to grow into a jungle and yards landscaped into a tidy jungle. Both types might offer you a comfy thicket or even a hidden seating area where you can smoke in peace without bothering the fam. Even when they look outside for you.
Stone Out the Window
If you're lucky enough to have a bedroom window that opens to somewhere not-so-visible, then enjoy the freedom. We've all seen the cool sit-com teen smoking out the window, but that's something real people do as well. And these days, that kid in the leather jacket is more likely smoking a joint than a cigarette. So crack your window and find a cool pose to lounge in the sill while you smoke. Just be sure to throw that towel under the door.
Upgrade Your Stoner Tech
Now that we've covered the basics, let's upgrade our approach. Sure, you can generally contain the dank smell of good leaf with towels and dryer sheets, but there are more bases to cover and you don't have to work so hard. All that old-school stuff is analog for fun. Let's kick it up a notch.
Vape Instead of Blazing
Have you ever vaped marijuana? For millions of people who are comfortable picking up bud from the local dispensary, vaping is still something of a mystery. But concentrates are the bomb. There are some differences. Conferences have a different quality of high using the same strains, and they lack some of that smoky complexity of leaf. But they get you stoned, happy, and they stank a lot less than crystalline buds.
So grab yourself a concentrates vape pen and try a little wax, butter, or shatter in your favorite flavors. The vapor is light, like steam, and it doesn't create a mess or much lingering smell.
Pack Your Stash in a Smell-Proof Bag
Your stash could also use an upgrade. Smell proof bags are the cutting-edge of stoner container technology. Quit using that plastic baggie stuffed in a mason jar. That's old-school, but not in the cool way. Not to mention, you can still smell it halfway across the room. Get yourself a reinforced, compartment smell-proof bag with a locking zipper. If dogs can't smell it, neither will your gramma.
Protect Your Fam from Stoner Stank
Of course, there's always that little lingering trace of weed anywhere a stoner has been. It's hanging in the air. It's on your clothes and hair. You can never truly hide the stank of a really pungent blunt. Or can you? With the right air freshener, you can knock that weed-smell right out of the air without overpowering the room. BluntPower has poured our hearts and souls into the right formulas for weed-ready air fresheners. Here's how to completely clear the last traces of dank from your room, seconds before your mom walks in.
Spray the Door and Towel
What do you want your fam to smell when they first walk into your room, or when you open your door to exit? Not weed.
So start by spraying the area around the door. Don't forget that towel that's been stopping the stank from escaping. The half of it facing your room still smells like weed, so spray that too.
Spritz or Incense the Room
Now get the whole room really quickly. Spritz two or three times from the center, pointing toward the outward walls and corners. Be sure to hit any bedding and piles of laundry or stuffed animals. It lingers on fabric the longest.
Get Yourself and Your Hair
Speaking of dank fabric, don't forget to spritz yourself. Often, stoners are clever enough to keep the room from stanking-up, only to walk around as living dank-dispensers with aromatic clothes and hair. So get yourself smelling right. Spritz the air in front of you and walk through it. Then do the same walking backward. Then, for good measure, spritz your hair. Now, you smell awesome, but not like weed.
The stay-at-home mandate has us all going stir-crazy in close quarters. Except, of course, those of us smart enough to chill by staying toasted. Stay stony, my friends, and stay safely at home during this crazy outbreak thing.